Sorry for the lateness of this Game of Thrones review. I’m moving as slowly as the plot is! Jokes! Anyway…
This week avoids Meereen and Daenerys for Arya’s continued business in Braavos with the Faceless Men. After some more motherfuckery with Jaquen (who looks so much like ECW legend Rob Van Dam that he’s kinda hard to take seriously as Mr. Enigmatic Jedi Ninja Guy, he should just start jumping off of shit and hitting people with chairs), he finally allows her access to The Hall of Faces, a giant chamber housing the heads of all the corpses she’s been mysteriously having to wash down, where if she can’t become “no one”, she’ll at least become “someone else”. I know this was supposed to be ominous and intimidating, but all I could think of was Futurama. I kept expecting one of the heads to be Richard Nixon. I wonder if the GoT Prop Department re-used their controversial George W. Bush head from the first season…
Jaquen and Rob Van Dam, seperated at birth? I’m just glad Arya’s storyline isn’t taking up the whole f’n show.
In King’s Landing, Cersei continues to twist the knife in everybody, questioning the loyalty of the returning Baelish, and being reassured quite unconvincingly, and sitting idly by while Loras is officially arrested to await trial for his “buggery”, and Margaery as an accessory, based on the testimony of former “Squire” Olyvar. Nobody seems to be too concerned about Cersei’s sexual misdeeds though, adultery and incest, especially with her cousin Lancel, a Sparrow now himself. I expect this to bite her in the ass sooner than later. Speaking of Lannisters, Jamie and Bronn, still doing their “Star Wars/Wizard of Oz” dress-like-the-enemy shtick, finally reach Myrcella in the Dornish Water Gardens, though she is alarmed by the blood on their stolen clothes, giving both Prince Martell’s royal guard and the Sand Snakes the drop on them. Bronn, Jamie and the Sand Snakes are all overwhelmed and taken into custody.
Meanwhile in Slaver’s Bay, Jorah and Tyrion, after a bonding sesh about Daenerys’ potential for insanity an
d Jorah’s late father, are beset by pirates! One of them played by nerd favorite Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, he of Lost, Oz, Thor 2 and the upcoming Suicide Squad. Tyrion is kept alive by his good luck dwarf cock (yes, really) and Jorah by his supposed fighting prowess, on their way to Meereen’s newly re-opened fighting pits as the pirates are. So our heroes are headed back to The Mother of Dragons after all, just not in the way they intended.
And finally we’re back in Winterfell, this time for another patented horrible Game of Thrones Wedding, this time between Sansa Stark and Ramsay Bolton. Sansa manages to tell off Ramsay’s girlfriend Myranda and Theon/Reek beforehand, and the ceremony avoids any particular unpleasantness, but it’s the aftermath that has a lot of people pissed, with Ramsay raping Sansa and forcing Theon to watch. My opinion? Apparently this is something that happens in the books, unlike last season’s similarly controversial scene between Jamie and Cersei, but not to Sansa herself but another character posing as Sansa who is wed to Ramsay while she’s still in hiding with Baelish at The Veil. In the books Ramsay even forces Theon to join in. I agreed with the people who said the scene last season was unnecessary but this one felt like a necessary character development for Ramsay, Previously only seen torturing Theon, who may have kind of deserved it, this event truly proves that he is completely sadistic and irredeemable, and it’ll be even more satisfying now when Stannis (hopefully) takes him out.